A deserved R4R review:
Although the lyrics have power, the song lacks power in combination with vocals. On it's own it's all right. The lyrics on their own are awesome, but the combination somehow doesn't feel as powerful as you'd think both combined. I'd have gone for more bass, agressive beats, more sidechaining.
Another thing to improve on may be how you emphasis certain syllables, in order to give the song a more dynamic and rhythmic feel.
Apart from how the song feels, I think you did a great job. The lyrics are very original and professional. It’d be a perfect poem without the music.
I hope you’ll make a similar project in the future, but then with background music that “amplifies” your message. I’m very impressed, because this is your first upload, and I hope you’ll get far in the music world.